According to the Oxford English Dictionary, and my university’s subscription to said dictionary, the term “Entitlement” has four different meanings. The one I will choose for this rant is 1c:
- The belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment. Freq. in sense of entitlement.
Recently, I got into a tiff with my mother, a thing that most young adult girls do with their mother and will continue to do until one of the respective parties has died. It is the way of the gods. This particular tiff was about something I wasn’t okay with and wanted to bring to her attention and naturally, being a woman, my mother turned it around and made it all about her and how she raised—and I’m paraphrasing here for text space— “an entitled brat.” Ouch mom.
So I’ve decided to compile a list of things that I believe I am entitled to or privileges and special treatments I am deserving of. Enjoy.
- I am entitled to sleeping in until ten-thirty or even quite possibly eleven whenever I damn feel like it, considering I am an aging woman and a hardworking college student. It is my time off.
- I am entitled to blasting Trey Songz “Neighbors Know My Name” and singing along loudly while speeding through the old folk’s neighborhood my father lives in because, well, let’s be honest those old people need an excuse to get it on.
- I am entitled to eating chocolate chip pancakes every morning, with sausage, because my boobs don’t get fat by themselves and I have a reputation to uphold here.
- I am entitled to talking to my dogs, my cats, any small animal really, in a squeaky high-pitched and childish voice because that is how one addresses dogs, cats, and more, no matter how annoying.
- I am entitled to leave my clean laundry in the laundry room, taking up ungodly amounts of space, because when I can’t find one item, I will come down and pilfer through it all.
- I am entitled to my own room at my apartment because I will vacuum just one square foot if it looks dirty and no one should have to live with that.
- I am entitled to leave my bed at midnight and retreat to my mother’s king sized bed with 27 different pillows because I saw a spider in my room. Above my head. You would do the same.
- I am entitled to expensive steak dinners with my father because he also likes steak. And makes all the money.
- I am entitled to think that my university is prestigious because my own professor told me so. And because I have access to the OED over summer break.
- I am entitled to think that my job at a ceramic-painting store was below me and therefore quit without another glance because I was done with glaze caked under my $35 manicure. #sorrynotsorry
- I am entitled to spend my summer reading cheap magazines (I’m looking at you Seventeen Magazine that yes, I am still subscribed to. Don’t judge me) solely because they have good hair tips and coupons for cheap clothing stores.
- I am entitled to write this rant because freedom of speech. Ha. Take that.
- I am entitled to search through Cosmopolitan Magazines and Cosmo.com for “sex in a pool” tips because everyone needs to be good at something.
- I am entitled to watching all three seasons of Veronica Mars this week, falling madly in love with Troy, only to get a weird feeling that he’s either A) a villain or B) going to leave me soon because I have nothing better to do with my time now that I quit my job. And I pay for Amazon Prime.
- I am entitled to thinking I am better than the other people in my family because I live in San Francisco, because I go to a hugely diverse school, because I teach in inner city schools, because I respect and enjoy other cultures.
- I am entitled to not like Indian food. I know this goes against what I just said in number 15, which is exactly why I had to say it.
- I am entitled to getting my nails done every two weeks because it feels good. End of story.
- I am entitled to love myself one hour, eat three ice cream sandwiches (which of course I am also entitled to) and then hate myself the next hour, because I am woman, hear me roar.
- And finally, mom, I am entitled to giving “the other side” as you said in our rant, the middle finger because you’re right, clearly I am an entitled brat.